By Former Australian captain Meg Lanning has opened up about her mental health issues for the first time since announcing her international retirement in November 2023. The 32-year-old discussed the hardships she experienced and the reasons behind her retirement decision.
Lanning revealed that her obsession with running had led to a significantly reduced eating habit and disrupted sleep cycle, which deeply affected her.
“I got down to about 57kgs from 64kgs. The ratios were out of whack a lot,” said Lanning on The Howie Games podcast. “I did not realize (it affected) my ability to concentrate. I didn’t really want to see other people… I disengaged a lot from friends and family.
“It was just all out of whack, and I kept sliding. At some point, it’s got to stop. I felt very out of control in terms of what my future looked like: ‘If it’s not cricket, what does life look like if I am not playing?'”
The problem emerged primarily during the 2023 T20 World Cup, which Australia won under Lanning’s leadership. Following the event, she led Delhi Capitals to the final of the Women’s Premier League in India, the first season of the tournament.
Lanning often faced an identity crisis outside of cricket, and her typical response was to go for a run. However, it soon became a problem that she struggled to cope with.
Lanning recounts nights of sleeplessness before significant matches
“It was a bit of my coping mechanism. I’d love just chucking the headphones in and going for a run,” she said. “I could escape mentally, I’d throw the headphones and I wouldn’t take my phone with me… I’d just have my Apple watch on for some music, so nobody could contact me.
“It became an obsession. I could escape mentally, no one could contact me, and I felt like I was in control. Initially, it didn’t start off as a deliberate thing, it just became a bit of a new normal. But it slowly crept into conscious decisions because essentially I felt good, I was light, I could run heaps, and I wasn’t getting injured like everybody was telling me I was going to.
“World Cup, WPL last year probably was when I was getting a little bit out of control in terms of the obsessive side of what I was doing. I don’t sit still normally, but it was just like ‘no days off, can’t eat your meal until you’ve gone for a big run.’ That’s when it took hold a fair bit.”
Her deteriorating mental health not only disrupted her diet but also significantly affected her sleep. During her dark phase, Lanning barely slept for two hours at night, causing further frustration.
“I dreaded night time because I knew I would go to bed and not be able to sleep. That would make me so mad. I would just get more angry with myself. If you can’t sleep, you can’t do anything.”
Before her retirement, Lanning had taken a temporary break in 2022 after the Commonwealth Games, where Australia won gold. After returning, she led Australia to a T20 title in 2023. Despite her on-field success, her mental health was clearly suffering.
However, Lanning never allowed her personal crisis to affect her game. Her form with the bat remained strong, even in domestic cricket, where she played a few notable innings for Victoria last summer. Lanning felt that she ‘ran on auto-pilot’ while playing for Australia and that she was able to fix things organically without being affected at all.
Lanning followed up a strong domestic season with a consistent showing in the Women’s Premier League this year, leading Delhi Capitals to another final where they lost to Royal Challengers Bangalore. Things have started to improve for Lanning, but she acknowledges that these are just baby steps towards her larger goal.
“It’s still not back to normal ratios, I would say. (I have) lots of conversations that I have with myself around what I should do and what is the right thing to do for my health, but it’s hard for my brain,” Lanning said.
